"CLOISTERED" (1985)

a prose-poem

Are they watching?
I look.
I don’t see anyone.
Of course, that doesn’t mean they’re not there.
I know they are. They’re very quick. They’re very clever. I don’t always see them.

I did once. Not long ago. I looked out. There he was.
I hope he doesn’t come back. I would hate that.
HATE that!

What was that?
A shadow crossed my shade?! Has he returned?
I’ll kill myself!

Nothing.
Was there?

I don’t take showers. They might get in. I’d be helpless.

My cat! Sarajane! She’s outside. I haven’t let her in. I can’t open the door.
It’s been a while, though.
I can hear her on the other side of the door. She’s sniffing. Cat sniff.

She’s in. I just blanked my mind and let her in. She’s happy to see me. I’m very happy to see her.
Must feed her. She’s hungry.
I get the cat food. I open it. I empty it into her dish on the floor. She eats.

Oh no! Somebody’s yelling! Please stop!

It’s quiet. I hear children playing.
Far off.

I can’t move. Somebody just knocked. They must go away. I won’t let them in.

Please don’t come in.

They went away. I wonder if they’ll call. I unplugged the phone. I won’t hear it ring.

Food.
There’s not much. I don’t remember when I last ate.
Should I eat?

They’re at the door. I hear many. They knock. I can’t answer. They want in. They mustn’t. They call
my name. They know my name! Who are they? What do they want?
I can’t! P-L-E-A-S-E!!!

The only way OUT!

note: made this into a film in ’86, starring Jane Arakawa (of STREET TRASH)





"DEATH OF A PUNK" (1986)

Poor thing
Now you sleep
to wash away your Nightmares

Life was hard
You were harder
on them and you

But now you’ve escaped
The final escape
and now you dream no more



"WRONG PLACE, WRONG TIME" (1986)

Bashed and battered
I lay in the blood of dawn
Lines in my face have opened
Part of me is escaping

Did I deserve this
What does it mean
Why me
I hate violence

My eyes are shattered
And scattered about
My face flows
Over my clothes

I rise slowly
Stand uneasily
My mind whirls
My friend is my reflection

We limp off
With help from others
No reasons
For this brutality

How do I avoid this
With so much around
Must I hide
Behind locked doors
Venturing out
Only in the crowded daylight

note: this written after some friends and I got beaten up in front of a club called the World (at 2nd & 2nd); that Spring at work, as part of faux-Oscars at the store I worked at, I got an Oscar for Best Stunt Work in "Battle of the World" (it was funny by then).





"SUBWAY" (1986)

The subway again
Long into the night
Many faces
No names
Suspicion
The noise
Invades your thoughts
The smell
Nauseates
Urine vomit
Cheap wine
Disease and decay
Death rides the trains
They take people
Nowhere


"THE MAN IN BLACK!" (1987)
(BELIEVE IT OR NOT)

I got on the bus
And there he was
The Man in Black
Mumbling to himself
I sat down
He gave me a sideways glance
And mumbled something more
I kept looking at him
Dressed in black
Turtleneck with cowl and slacks
Black knit cap patent leather shoes
Black fingerless bike gloves
Long manacured fingernails clacked
On his black cane
Relief came
From a wide silver belt
And gold chain
When he saw me looking
He put on his ski-glasses
And mumbled away
I wondered
Was this the Man in Black
Of legends past
The Devil - Mr. Scratch
Or the Angel of Death
But my stop came
And he went on
Mumbling away
So I never found out





"RAIN" (1987)

The rain pelts my face
As I walk along
My mind becomes peaceful
Rain has that effect on me
A flash of lightning
As if to awaken me
Is this
Mother Nature’s way
Of saying "hello"?





"MADMAN LAUGHING" (1987)

He sits alone
Chewing on fries
He begins to laugh
No apparent reason
Apparent
Is he mad
The usual assumption
Perhaps
He is overly sane
And we
Being mad fools
Stop and stare
And call him mad
He smiles
At people
As they pass the window
They giggle
Or look away
Rolling their eyes
He laughs again
Another group
Of fries
Enters his mouth
What goes through
His mind
What’s so funny
He is quiet now
On the surface
A furrowed brow
Belies the silence
What goes on
What goes on





"IN THE SHADOW OF THE MUSHROOM" (1987)

In the Shadow of the Mushroom
They came
The four Horse-Men
They were begged
To rid us
Of the Evil One
Who stays
Beyond the Wasteland
In the Melted City
She cursed us
Brought on
The Terrible Fire
Which burned
The world
And us
Inside
Off they went
Weapons bared

They found her
Dancing
In the sand
Calling on more curses
They ran to her
She ran away
One of them
Fell into the sand
And was swallowed up
The others
Could not help

Night
They slept
One watched
Over the other two
A ghost
Of some creature past
Jumped out
Of the dark
Pushed the watcher
Into their little fire
He burned
The ghost was gone

The two
Went on
They found
A well
Sent the bucket down
Brought it up full
It went down again
And took one of them
With it
He drowned
Leaving the last
Alone

The one
Entered the Melted City
Searched
For the Evil One
Who danced in the shadows
Always out of reach
Then they met
The Evil One told
Of the Poison
In the air
That he will die
The Horse-Man
Spit smoke
Which choked the Evil One
She melted
The Horse-Man went off
To die
In the Shadow of the Mushroom

note: this was intended to be the voice-over narration to a film, but never shot the film.








"TO DREAM" (1988)

To dream
Consciously dream
And to manifest our dreams
This is mankind’s gift

So dream
And follow it
Until you have gained
What you need

Why do you tarry
What holds you back
Free yourself
You have the key

Feel it
Flowing through you
Like warm water
Cleansing you

Look
To the future
It is here
Now

note: published in "Meditation" magazine Summer of ’88)


"MADNESS"

(1989)



Am I mad? Quite mad, they say. They who, you
say? They who always say whatever comes into
their feeble little minds. I say "To hell with them!"
This does little good, however, for they are tena-
cious in their petty thoughts. And I am at their
mercy. So, I hide away and write:



I’ve been having
Dreams
- Nightmares
You might call them
I find myself
In a strange city
That has no sun
Buildings blot out
The sky
The people
Are very strange
One in particular
Follows me
He seems so
Familiar
Yet
Like no one
I can remember
He never says
Anything
Never comes too near
Just watches
He frightens me

He is mad. So I say. He lives far from here. And he
dreams of a strange time, far into the future. (Or is
it?) He knows not why. (And neither do I.) He
comes to me, and tells me his troubles, his dreams.
I write it all down. It flows through my pen like
blood.

Sometimes
When I dream
It is in my
Home
But it looks
Different
Something
Strange
Is about
I go
Into the bedroom
To see
If my wife
Is sleeping
She is
But then
It is not
Her
But some hideous
Demon
Who seems
To be dead

I think of her. It seems so long since last she closed
her eyes. I visit her daily. I bring her flowers. It is
quiet there. But I am not at peace. The memories
haunt me. She is there, in my dre--- no, I have no
dreams!

He
The strange one
Stands at my door
Beckoning
I know him now
Death
My Death
I retreat
Into a corner
I do not know
If I sleep
Or am awake
I am so
Frightened
I try to
Tell myself
That I imagine
It
But still
He is there
Smiling
At me

Death whispers in my ear. His voice is gentle. Like
a breeze. He is coming for me. Soon. I do not fear
him. For then I shall be with her. For all eternity.
(God willing – please!) I look forward to it. I
wonder what those feeble minds will say then.

My waking hours
Seem unreal
I walk
As in a fog
I expect to see
Him
Around the next corner
I dread
The night
The dreams
My wife
Has left
I did not see
Her go
I wander
But find no peace
I sleep
But get no rest
I will surely
Lose my mind
If I have not
Already done so

I am lost. I cannot tell what is real, and what is
illusion, anymore. They meld together. I swear I
saw her. She came to me in my room. I wish it
were true, but can this be? I wait for her to come
back. I call her name. I do not sleep. Or am I
asleep, unable to awaken from this nightmare? All
is lost.

It is
He
Again
He keeps
His distance
As always
Like a shadow
He smiles
I run away
I look around
And there
He is
At his
Distance

They are coming for me. She told me. She came
again. And told me my enemies were on their way.
To put me away. As if I were a broken cup, to be
put in the back of the cupboard. Out of sight. To
collect dust. They do not understand. Only she
understands. And she has warned me. They will
never hold me. I will go with her.

He comes closer
I stop
He does not
It is time
I run
Into a glass tower
Up
And up
I ascend
Then
I look
Down
I am high
So very high
He is there
He embraces
Me
I fly out
Over the city
Pick up speed
As the ground
Races to meet me
I feel free
Finally
Final
The dream
Comes to it’s
End.

(note: started filming this the same year, but left unfinished).