Friday, May 28, 2010

from the "Gallery Poems" series

...

I'd surpressed it before
The urge to kiss her
I worried she'd freak out
As women sometimes do
But there we were again
In her small room
On her bed
I'd just given her a
Back massage
Again
Her skin felt so nice
And as she lounged
On her elbows
Her feet stretched out
I felt the urge again
And gave in to it
Her lips felt soft
As she kissed me back
I put my hand up
Under her shirt
Under her bra
(Still unfastened from the massage)
The softness of her breasts
She guided my hand
Down to her pussy
Warm and wet
We got naked
Though she was suddenly shy
And fucked for hours
It was so great for me
(Which is a rare thing)
But though she enjoyed it
(She said)
She did not cum
As we cuddled she clarified
That we are friends with benefits
That she doesn't want the friendship to change
But also that it was inevitable
We slept till afternoon
Then fucked again
This time she got off
(I didn't bother about me
Being happy to give)
As we putted around
I watched her naked body
Which I find so lovely
And am glad I risked
That first kiss

...

I long for you
With a burning desire
Yet must be careful
Not to scorch you
I want to get close
But fear pushing you away
My brain whirls
My stomach curls
As I fall headlong
Into uncertainty
Even as my heart
Feels certain

...

Ah, my Love
How do I touch you
Your heart still wounded
From previous experience
I feel so certain
Of possibilities
But you hold back
Out of reach
I feel frustrated
And foolish
Going down this road
Again
But how to get off
How to stop my
Heart
From beating
To your rhythm
How to just
Let it go
You keep me
At arm's length
You pull back
Maintaining distance
You're afraid
I understand
But frustrated
And I no longer
Think you will
Connect what could be
And so I must let
It go
Someday you'll realize
What you missed
As I did
When I was young

...

How could I have
Been so wrong
Why did my
Intuition
Fail so miserably
What was the point
Of this misdirection
Frustration
Dead end

...

I am a Warrior-Poet
I do not run with the
Herd
And they have failed to
Trample me
Under hoof
But my Path is
Lonely
For I find no
Partner
Who can keep up
All the women
Who tugged at my
Heart
Preferred posers
And assholes
So could not
Recognize
The potential before them
And so it goes
And so it goes
But nothing will
Stop me
From my Path
Till Death
Releases me
From this not so
Divine comedy

...

Oh foolish heart
Why do you still
Hope
When over and over
Love
Is so far out of reach
Why do you not
Rest
Let go of the pain and
Sorrow
That's always the
Result
But everytime you see
Those bright shining
Eyes
Into them you fall
Head first into the well
Wishing
Beyond reason for
Love

...

Purge!
I need to purge her from
My heart
To harden against this
Weakness
To cease letting in
Cowards
Who are not strong enough
For me
I have played this game
Too long
And it always comes to
Nothing
So it is high time
To stop
To accept the loneliness
That is my Path
As the Goddess will
Not allow
Fulfillment
Of that need

...

The Sadness
Overwhelms me
Brings me down
Sucking out my energy
I had felt
Hopeful
But it was false
Hope
A mere phantasm
What I need
But cannot have
What would
Revive me
But am
Denied
It would regenerate me
But the Goddess
Doesn't care
She leaves me to
Dissipate
In this limbo
To what end
I do not know
I lose faith
And hope
Death
Is all I have to
Look forward to
But when
But when

...

Unfinished piece:

Lost, lost
No light in the darkness to see
No sign to show the way for me
Alone, alone
On and on I wander place to place
On no once can I find solace
Help, help
To find a home to rest my weary head
To sleep the restful sleep of the dead
Oh why, oh why
Do I not find the sweet relief
Do I in the gods continue belief

...

and now, for a little pretention, inspired by some dumb patrons:

I have a progressive and expansive mind
Which is why you are far behind
Not that I would wish to be unkind
But your restrictive notions on me will not bind

...

Ah, little girl
How you've shaken me up
But your fear
Keeps me at bay
This old poet
Can't stir your heart
The way you stirred mine
Wisdom fails me
As I ache for you
I should know better
But feel otherwise
And so I suffer
As so often before
For love is always
Out of reach

...

And so the Ego speaks
"Love me, love me,
So that I am whole"
Yet this 'wholeness'
Is but illusion
One the Ego clings to
As a life-support
With the Death of Ego
Comes freedom
Of all these illusions
These false needs
And petty desires
So I say
Death to the Ego

...

I try not to think of you
But I do
I so want to touch you
But I can't
You've got so under my skin
But I hate it
I long to taste you again
But I won't
I want you to go far away
But I don't
The conflict I feel is intense
But then not

...

Pandora, Pandora
You just had to go and
Open the box
Unleashing forces
You could not handle
And which frightened you
So I'm left with the
Damage you wrought
In your desire for attention
You didn't even consider
The consequences

...

To the rythme of Fuck
She prances
But intimacy
Is forbidden
Get too close
And she runs screaming
Don't interefere
With her self-imposed
Misery
She'd rather wallow in
Because it's so much
Easier
Opening your heart
To her is folly
That's too real
It's the illusion
She wants
And she'll dredge
The past for it

...

(not actually written in the galleries)

Conflicted
Tho' I know it's good
That she leaves
The distance will be
Better
Time heals
But space helps
Speed that along
And to see things more
Clearly
The wrongness of
My feelings
The lesson already
Learned
Again
Hopefully no more
The pain is
Unproductive
So, fare thee well
Little girl
Good luck
Finding your little
Safety bubble
For you need it
And we are
Worlds apart
As always

...

There once was a girl named Esther
Whose neuroses in Seattle did fester
On leaving she was bent
So to Santa Cruz she went
To become a groupie molester.

...

And so she's
Gone
Never to be seen
Again
Except in my
Thoughts
Will I ever miss
Her?
I truly hope
Not

...

Pretty girl
Absently playing with her skirt
Showing a bit of soft
Thigh
As it swishes back and forth
How pleasantly
Unselfconscious
Refreshing

...

And still, I ache
She's far away
In space
But in cyberspace
I still "see" her
Or read her words
And it makes me sad
(Tho' still glad of
The distance)
How much longer
Must I endure
This heartache?
And
What was the point?

...